Thursday, February 22, 2007

Blackberries and Airport WiFi Are NOT the Problem

Blackberries and laptops at the airport don’t really bother me as much as those people you see carrying briefcases. I mean, come on! Who are they trying to impress? Do you expect me to believe that you’re carrying around briefs in that thing? We all know you’ve got your lunch in there, and maybe this morning’s newspaper. Don’t try to be all hoity-toidy because you have a job.

And then, have you seen the people on bicycles carrying around “courier” bags? Just who do they think they are? They want us to believe that someone is paying them to carry stuff from one place to another. And so I’m supposed to worship you or something? Boy, what nerve!

And have you seen these guys walking around in neckties? Do you know the origin of the necktie? The French invented it. The FRENCH! They call it a cravat (which I’m sure is what all these guys wearing them on the Metro call it, probably saying over and over to themselves “look at me! I’m wearing a cravat! Look at me!”). Do you think that French neck wear makes you better than me? Huh? Do you?

And then, then, there are these people walking around my neighborhood carrying plastic bags full of food! The bags say such things as “Safeway” or “Thank You!” and they're carrying them in such a way as to be sure that everyone can read the “brand.” The ultimate in conspicuous consumption! They probably have stuff like milk and bananas in there.

At my job, there are these people who show off by using a pen to write on paper. I’m sure you’ve seen this at your office, too. They'll site in a meeting taking notes. With a pen! What’s up with them? What do they have to prove? Ooh, look at me! I’m so important because I use a pen! They probably learned to sign their names simply to demonstrate how much above the rest of us they are.

And what about shoes. If there’s a more egregious way of putting on airs than wearing shoes, I’d like to know about it! You know the people I’m talking about: they wear them inside as well as out side, at the office, on the Metro, while driving. No calluses on those feet! Let me tell you something, you can’t take those shoes with you, you know!

So as you can see, there are so many more pretensions that one can complain about than those cute little electronic devices.


Public Masturbation said...

Actually The Croatians invented the neck tie and Cravat is the French bastardization of Croat. The French merely popularized it.

Alejandra said...

Very clever... I actually started my whole blog because I was annoyed by the "Sent from my BlackBerry wireless..." signature at the bottom of e-mails I kept getting. I abandoned that idea after the first post, though. I think that was probably a good move...

Brunch Bird said...

Oh, snap.
Wait, I just typed that with fingers. Fingers are such an unnecessary indulgence of the bourgeoisie.

kwest said...

alejandra: I've just had an ah-ha! moment. The title of your blog was familiar in a sort of vague, I-must-have-been-drunk-or-dreaming sort of way...but now it makes sense!

honeykbee said...

Can't wait to see your installment on those rollar shoes.