Friday, May 4, 2007

Suburban Youth Teach U Street A Lesson

MAGIC TRAGIC 2AM, NEHI, and so on. A couple mornings each week as I walk down U Street, I see the latest angry expressions that the oppressed masses of disenfranchised white middleclass suburban youths have spray painted onto my neighborhood’s buildings, bus stops, and sidewalks. Much like the ’05 Parisian riots of unemployed and shunned suburban youths, or the riots that tore apart this same stretch of U Street 40 years ago, these youths are expressing their outrage at the injustices they see all around them.

Apparently, this group of (sub)urban radicals has put together a searing manifesto, which includes such items as “one of the five televisions in my house may not be working”, “my parents didn’t (that’s right, DID NOT) buy me the latest nano for Christmas,” and “first Napster, and now just possibly Pandora!” One cannot help but sympathize.

In a show of solidarity, I suggest that the residents of DC take it to the streets (or the Drives or Courts or Cul-de-sacs or whatever). Let’s head out to Silver Spring and Bethesda and Wheaton and express our own outrage on their buildings and bus stops and sidewalks (if they have sidewalks, that is)! Meet me at the Duron Paint store on 14th Street in Columbia Heights tonight just before closing. Wear your most tattered hoody and we’ll head out to commit acts of, well, random vandalism, I guess.

I’m open to suggestions as to what to what our "tag" should be. It has to be of course cryptic, have a rather loose relationship with grammar, and strike fear into the hearts of suburbanites. I’ve come up with a few ideas, like “COMMUTER TOLLS ARE GOING TO GET YOU” or “DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE? (HINT: IN DC, AT NIGHT, WITH SPRAY PAINT!)” or “PLEASE DON’T RUN ME DOWN JUST BECAUSE I’M WALKING”; but perhaps those are too long and violate the “cryptic” mandate.

Or maybe DC should institute a new curfew, but only on white suburban kids.


Anonymous said...

I don't know why, but this post reminds me of that Lily Allen song "Nan, You're a Window Shopper." Something about the "kids wearin' their hoods up"

Golden Silence said...

ROB and his gang of thugs has graffiti all over DC. I thought it was limited to the Red Line territory, until I saw INCA and NEHI crap on the buildings in Georgetown, so they're definitely spreading their junk all over.

I know you were kidding when you said you wanted to tag their property, but on a serious note someone needs to rally people together to clean that mess up. I'm so sick of seeing ROB, NEHI, AMNESTIA [sic] etc. every day on my commute to work.

And they always think Black people in the ghetto are the ones doing the vandalizing, when on the contrary, the White kids from the 'burbs are doing it.