Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Long, Slow, Inevitable Ruination of U Street Has Begun

I saw it, and now I may just have to move: not one, but a whole family of tourists on U Street. I wasn’t sure at first; I mean, how likely is it that an entire family with no connection to the neighborhood would be on U Street in the middle of the afternoon when even people from Fairfax or Shady Grove are terrified to step foot on U Street? (That’s a subject for another blog entry, and I’m just the man to write it!)

But there they were, mom, dad, and two kids, perusing guide books and plastic-sheathed maps, a-slung with cameras and fanny packs, milling about indecisively in front of Ben’s Chili Bowl. (I assumed they were there to see the “Craddle” tags; those artistes are such a draw. Perhaps DC government should give them a grant.)

I just couldn’t figure it out. I walked past them aggressively, just to let them know whose turf they were on. Their reaction confirmed my suspicion: they were crazy. The mother rattled off some sort of gibberish, which the father, who pretended to understand her, answered with similar guttural, monosyllabic nonsense. Frankly, they scared me a little.

I kept walking. It took me half a block to figure it out: they were German. German! It all made sense now! Germans are everywhere! They’re as bad as the Australians: interested in stuff, like history and culture and food and cities, and just head-strong enough not to listen to anything someone from Reston might tell them about “that” part of the city.

They’re still crazy, though. And it’s still gibberish.

5 comments:

mm said...

hey! I take offense. I'm from Fairfax and I'm not afraid of U street, especially in the middle of the day.
But, my background is heavily German...

suicide_blond said...

yeah..its true ..they are everyfreakingwhere...
some crazy germans followed me round ft lauderdale recently!!
maybe.... they are planning to attack or "annex" the USA??? cause there is no GOOD reason for them to allll be here...
xoxo

Once Revelant, Now Mama said...

Argh!!! Nooooooo!!! To quote my favorite German, "this is impossible!!!!"

Please, please keep them isolated in your section of the city. The last thing I need are more Germans sniffing around my house. I'm going to bury my head in the sand and pretend I didn't read this...lalalalalala.

kwest said...

I'm sure they were there merely to point out how only uneducated philistines live in Washington.

Jaemus said...

Come on, can't you forgive the Germans for wanting a taste of our local sausages? What good German could pass up that opportunity? And Ben's in my experience is up there with the best.