Could I have fries with that McThrownOutOnMyFace?

Okay okay I’m awake! Jeezeohman!

I got to sleep late last night, and was a bit groggy as I stumbled to the metro this morning. As I walked past the bus stop next to the McDonalds on U Street, I noted the extraordinary amount of McTrash strewn around the bus stop shelter, the side walk, the gutter, and, of course, around the empty city trash can.

Strewn trash on U Street is like tumbleweeds tumbling down the dusty streets of old western movies: just part of the stage scenery. So I wasn’t particularly shocked. Apparently, neither were the dozen people standing at the bus stop.
So then I’m waiting for the light at 14th Street, and I hear a woman behind me say “I think I’ll go sit at the bus stop.” At first, I assumed she was with someone, but then she continued to ramble on in that vein any denizen of the city is familiar with: talking in earnest to no one about the injustices of the universe. I felt that twinge of uncertainty and discomfort I always feel in the presence of a crazy homeless person. It puts me on edge. But, like everyone else there, I pretended not to notice.

I was just getting interested in her monologue (“I bought something so I should be allowed to use their restroom”) when I heard expletives and a scuffle coming from the McEntrance directly behind me, and suddenly a man literally flies past me, like George Bailey and Clarence being ejected from Martini’s, landing face first in the street! I turn to see from whence he came: the McManager had bodily thrown him out. I can’t imagine why.

The man staggers to his feet, MFing the McManager, threatening to get a bat. This does nothing for my discomfort level. He then proceeds to calmly rifle through the empty city trash can (instead of the McTrash strewn all around it), mumbling incoherently. Again, like everyone else there, I acted as if this were a usual occurrence at 6:30 in the morning. My nonchalant air said “no big deal; why, even I enjoy a good asphalt face plant every once in a while. Who doesn’t?” When the light changed I walked on, the rush of Mcadrenalin propelling me on my way. At least I’ll save money on coffee today.